I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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