Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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