Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
