the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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