its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
