I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
