I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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