she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
