Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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