she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
