My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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