Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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