i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
