Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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