3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
