Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
ttyl tear gas
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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