You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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