your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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