Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
