I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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