Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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