He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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