I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
