Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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