sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
