I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize