I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
