First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
