One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
