There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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