What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
