Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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