You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
