I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
