five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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