it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
OPIZZABONMYDICK
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
