508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
