Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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