i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
