dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
