Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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