just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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