Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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