i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
