Already got asked if we're dating
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
