Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
