I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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