You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
