yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
