my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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