im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
