remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you traded sex for a burrito?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
