were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
