I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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