Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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