i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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