I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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