I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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