he puts the penis in happiness.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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