Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
