i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
