woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
