No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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