But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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