Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
