I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need a beard to bite.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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