And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
