Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
