so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
