I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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