No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize