Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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