I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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