yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
