rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize