I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she peed on how many people?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
