The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
