Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
